Archive for March, 2008
Bullitt – Review
by John on Mar.10, 2008, under Reviews
Time for a confession. The only Steve McQueen movie I’ve seen is The Great Escape. But, I’ve seen that movie like ten times, so that offsets a little of my masculine inadequacy. Right?
Regardless of what you think of my manhood, Bullitt allowed me another notch in my McQueen Belt. Notice the name is spelled odd? You see, McQueen plays a detective named Bullitt, that sounds like “bullet,” that detectives use a lot. Get it?
If you know anything about this movie, it’s the car chase – probably the most famous car chase in movie history. In fact, all the car chases in today’s movies are influenced by this one. Well, that might not be a fact, but everyone you tell that to will believe you.
Anyway, the famous chase takes place through the streets of San Fran. McQueen’s driving a Highland Green 1968 Ford Mustang GT 390 Fastback, and the bad guys are in a Tuxedo Black 1968 Dodge Charger R/T 440 Magnum. Arrh Arrh Arrh!! (/Tim Allen)
Like you, I’ve seen a bazillion car chases. But here, there were so many “Dammmmn!!” moments, I lost count. And by the end, I think I audibly told the TV, “That was freakin awesome!” My TV then responded, “F’n A, man. F’n A.”
So how’s the rest of the movie? Well, it’s a 1960s detective drama. It’s slower, more deliberate than today’s flicks, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just don’t go in expecting a Bourne movie.
But when you boil it all down, you have to see this just for the car chase. Skip to that scene if you have to, but put this one on your list of movies to see before you die.
Grade: B
Battle of Crap: Superbad vs. Balls of Fury
by John on Mar.02, 2008, under Reviews
Man, it’s been a rough week. In the span of only four days, I’ve seen the two worst movies ever created. Seriously. It feels like I’ve just been waterboarded…in crap.
Where to begin… Might as well start with Balls of Fury since I saw it first.
When I saw the posters and the trailers, I was kind of excited about it. I mean, it looked like a cross between Dodgeball and Mortal Kombat. Dodgeball is one of my all-time favorite comedies and Mortal Kombat holds a special place in my heart – right next to Krull. I wasn’t expecting greatness, but I at least figured I’d laugh once.
Wrong.
Let me explain. I like to laugh. People tell me I have a contagious laugh. I haven’t figured out if that’s a compliment, yet, but regardless, I can find most anything funny. Except this movie. Here’s a 90 minute “comedy” and I never laughed. Not even a chuckle. Well, Christopher Walken made me chuckle, but only once. Would it have killed ‘em to toss in a cowbell?
Next is Superbad, which is rated R for “crude sexual humor.” OK, I’ve been to High School, joined a fraternity, and seen Knocked Up. I think I have a pretty good idea of what “crude sexual humor” means.
Nope. Not a clue. Not only are there two hours of crude jokes, it’s like every joke tries to be more crude than the one before it, and all crude jokes in the history of crudeness. Things got so bad, that by the end, I seriously wondered if what I was watching was legal. It’s that bad. One might say, super-bad. (That’s me sharing a bit of my grief with you).
Enough time blabbering about these crapfests. Avoid them both. Trust me. If your friend rents them and says, “Hey. Wanna see Superbad or Balls of Fury?” Punch him. And get new friends. If he adds, “I got beer.” Knock him out. Take his beer. And get new friends.
Grades: F-
