John’s Movie Musings

OK enough of this nonsense. This movie is pure garbage. Seriously. Mike Meyers ran out of jokes four movies ago. Yet for some reason he’s still getting paid to tell them every year, just in a different costume.

The Love Guru has Mr. Meyers playing Austin Powers as an Indian Self-help Guru. Verne Troyer plays a hockey coach for the Toronto Maple Leafs. Why? Because Mike Meyers is a huge Leafs fan. Can’t fault him for that, really. But I can fault him for having a scene with Rob Blake taking a faceoff at center ice with the game tied and six seconds left. So not only does Mike insult us with his comedy, he insults our hockey knowledge, too.

And about that comedy. Most of the jokes you’ve heard before. The new stuff centers around the “guru” making new phrases out of words. Like “Guru” becomes:

Gee
yoU
aRe
yoU

And “Bible” becomes:

Basic
Instructions
Before
Leaving
Earth

I think I learned that one when I was six. Well, Mike, I got a new one for you:

Comedy
Recycled from
Austin
Powers

Not even a cameo by Jim Gaffigan could save this.

Grade: F

Anyone know why we had a Speed Racer movie this summer? I don’t remember it ever being popular, even when I was a kid. I just watched it because it came on after Robotech. It did have a cool car, so I’ll give it that.

There was only one reason I had any interest in seeing Speed Racer… the style. Yes, 100% green screen movies are pretty common now, but this is the Wachowski brothers. They did some pretty amazing things with The Matrix, so I had hopes they could do something unique with this, despite the subject matter.

Before HD, there was one movie that everyone bought to show off their new TV – The Fifth Element. Why? If you needed a reason other than “multi-pass,” the movie had the most vibrant colors that even a crappy TV looked good. I’m guessing many LCDs and Plasmas will be showing Speed Racer at the next CES. The movie is gorgeous. If any of you just bought a new HDTV, throw this in to impress your guests. Just be sure to have the sound muted.

OK, the story ain’t that bad. Every scene of dialog is just setup for the next race, so while it’s not great, there isn’t enough plot to make it horrible. Just the look of the tracks will keep most of you interested. It held my tiny brain captive, anyway.

Since I can only recommend this based on its style, there’s probably not many of you interested. So when it runs on HBO next year and you’re flipping channels. Stay for a bit and watch. Your eyes will thank you.

Grade: C+

As you know, Iron Man was one of the big summer movies this year. I happen to miss it which earned me much ridicule from my friends. For months I’ve had to endure “you still haven’t seen Iron Man” in weekly intervals. So when it was finally released on DVD/Blu-Ray this past week, I was excited that my wait would soon be over. Then, when Netflix shipped me the Blu-Ray on Friday, the small chamber of my heart where Giddiness reigns created a squeal of delight that caused a small amount of discomfort for the neighbor’s dogs.

I know as much about Iron Man as I do the Tin Man. Maybe a bit less. But that allows me to look at the movie with a fresh perspective. While I had some high expectations about the quality of the film, I had none regarding the actual story, canon, or universe of Iron Man.

What I noticed immediately is that Marvel is respecting their characters when they make the jump from comic to movie. I guess it started with X-Men or Spider-Man, but the movies today refreshingly lack the campiness of the comic book movies of the past. I’m hoping we never have to go back to the George Clooney Batman flicks ever again.

Jon “You’re So Money” Favreau takes the helm of Iron Man and does a brilliant job. He’s able to place a super hero in our world while still keeping things within the boundaries of what can be accepted as believable. The story is sort of typical super hero stuff, but it’s a formula I still enjoy watching.

Definitely see this if you haven’t. You might even become a fan of Robert Downey Jr.

Grade: B+

How well do you like biopics? I tend to enjoy them, but only on the same level as a documentary. I get more out of the history than I do of the actual story. Usually that’s because they tend to follow a formula. So much so that you can set your watch to the point where drugs enter the scene, or the character breaks up with the love interest. In any other movie that causes a two-hour bore-fest. But for me, the nuggets of history keep me engrossed.

Music Within tells the story of the guy that started the American with Disabilities Act. Maybe not the actual act, but he got the ball rolling so that it was an election issue in 1988. What I found so fascinating (and maybe a bit disturbing) is that I remember most of the late 80s, yet for some reason I thought the ADA was something that came out of the 60s. I must have been too busy jamming on my Casio keyboard to care.

The movie stars Ron Livingston. You know him as the guy from Office Space. That movie holds such a special place in my heart that any other movie starring someone from it automatically gets bonus points.

If you end up renting this (and you should at some point), be sure to watch the bonus features. There’s a talk given by the guy the movie is based on where he describes his life. All the events are in the movie, but to hear him actually tell the story is fantastic. It adds a whole new element to his fascinating life.

This is also one of those movies designed with the soundtrack in mind. It’s filled with classic tunes from the 60s and 70s. Had they released the soundtrack just as a classic rock compilation, it may have made more money than the movie.

I’d bet most of you have already made up your minds about renting this. It’s an interesting story I knew nothing about, so I enjoyed it. If you need a good biopic to watch, this’ll do nicely.

Grade: B