John’s Movie Musings

Wow.  Summer already.  And it starts next week!

Let’s get crackin’…

May 1

• Battle for Terra – I think this is a small 3D movie.  Other than that, I know nothing.
• Ghosts of Girlfriends Past – Matthew McConaughey stars in yet another romatic comedy.  I bet he takes his shirt off.
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine – I honestly don’t understand the need for this.  It’s called X-Men, not X-Man.  And didn’t we already get Wolverine’s origin story in the first X-Men?

May 8

• Star Trek – JJ Abrams fills the Enterprise with kids twentysomethings douchebags.

May 15

• Angels & Demons – Dan Brown’s prequel book is now a sequel movie to The DaVinci Code.  Fortunately all the fake history is preserved.

May 21

• Terminator: Salvation – Christian Bale takes over for Arnie.  I heard he’ll be back for two more after this.  (groan.  Yeah, I know).
• Night at the Museum 2 – Looks to be the same as the first.  The first one was funny, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
• Dance Flick – Hey look!  A Wayans movie no one cares about.

May 29

• Drag Me to Hell – Hey look!  Dance Flick gets a new title.
• Up – Pixar goes 3D.  Yay!

June 5

• Hangover – No idea on this one.
• Land of the Lost – On its own, this would be awful.  But Will Farrell is starring and now it’s an awful Will Farrell movie.

June 12

• Imagine That – Eddie Murphy is still making movies.  Imagine that!
• Taking of Pelham 123 – Lot of big names in this.  Looks like a good caper movie.

June 19

• The Proposal – Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds rom-com.
• Year One – Fortunately, there’s a Jack Black comedy about cavemen.  Men rejoice.

June 24

• Transformers 2 – Michael Bay and Shia LaBeouf continue to rape my childhood.
• My Sister’s Keeper – No idea, but it’s a Cameron Diaz movie.  I’d rather watch Transformers.

July 1

• Ice Age 3 - I’ve always enjoyed these movies.  And this one’s in 3D.
• Public Enemies – Johnny Depp continues his reign of awesome as John Dillinger.

July 10

• Bruno - It’s Borat, but with a NC-17 rating.  It’s like that movie Ass from Idiocracy.
• I Love You, Beth Cooper – Who doesn’t?!

July 15

• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – The Penultimate Harry Potter.  Sort of.  Book 7 gets two movies.

July 24

• G-Force – Gerbils…in…Spaaaaaace!!
• The Ugly Truth – Gerard Butler in a Romantic Comedy?  Say it ain’t so Leonidas!

July 31

• Bandslam - We’re goin hoppin.  We’re goin hoppin today where things are poppin.  The Philadelphia way.  We’re gonna drop in, on all the music they play, on the Bandslam.  Bandslam.
• Funny People – Adam Sandler and Seth Rogan.  I bet there’s a fart joke or twenty.
• They Came from Upstairs – Ooh!  A teen movie about aliens.  Squeeeee!!!!

August 7

• G.I. Joe – I just want to know now if this is gonna suck.  ‘Cause knowing is half the battle.
• Shorts – Bets the sequel will be called Pants?

August 14

• A Perfect Getaway – You know a movie will suck when they give away the plot in the title.
• District 9 - A super-secret Peter Jackson sci-fi movie.  OK, I’m sold.

August 21

• Goose on the Loose – A title that makes me want to drop a deuce.
• Inglorious Basterds – Tarantino’s latest.  It has Nazis and Brad Pitt.  What more do you need?

August 28

• Final Destination 3D – Oh man.  One of my guilty pleasures.  And now I get to watch death in 3D!!
• H2 - Oh…

And that’s it.  Let’s see…. The Terminator, Land of the Lost, Transformers, Star Trek, and G.I. Joe.  Proof Hollywood ran out of ideas twenty years ago, right?  Ah well, at least the explosions are better this time around.