(Warning: Strong language ahead.  Stop reading if you’re under 13… or something).

Let’s play a game.  Suppose this post represents a movie submitted to the MPAA for a rating.  So far, all is good and we’re at a family-friendly G (Maybe a PG from the title).

Fuck.

So much for family friendly.  A sweet, blue-haired lady covers her ears.  A near-catatonic dude with large tub of popcorn lets out a chuckle and we get slapped with a PG-13.

Fuck.

And now this whole post is unfit for sweet, old ladies and anyone under 17.  Bam.  R.  No questions asked.

The PG-13 rules for strong language state:

A motion picture’s single use of one of the harsher sexually-derived words, though only as an expletive, initially requires at least a PG-13 rating.  More than one such expletive requires an R rating, as must even one of those words used in a sexual context.  The Rating Board nevertheless may rate such a motion picture PG-13 if, based on a special vote by a two-thirds majority, the Raters feel that most American parents would believe that a PG-13 rating is appropriate because of the context or manner in which the words are used or because the use of those words in the motion picture is inconspicuous.

I’ve stated this rule several times in my PG-13 comedy reviews.  In those cases, I gladly support it.  Writers know they get one F-bomb and will use it at the funniest moment (at least, that’s the hope).  It forces them to not be lazy and gratuitous.  That’s a wonderful thing.

Recently, this rule has caused crazy internet riots on all of the major movie blogs.  The Weinstein Co. made a documentary about the bullying epidemic in our schools.  Over the course of filming kids, a few of them dropped f-bombs.  Five total.  I’m a little shocked at how low that is.  I assumed kids these days would make Scorsese blush.

Because there were more than one F-bomb in the movie, the MPAA gave it an R rating.  The Weinsteins appealed, but came one vote short to overturn the decision.  A PG-13 movie could be shown in schools.  Probably the demographic needing to see this movie the most.  With an R, parents would have to take their kids to the theater, and how many parents willingly do that?  Yeah.  None.  Also, this isn’t the kind of R-rated movie kids would sneak into, so basically no one will go watch this.

Interestingly, the Weinsteins decided not to accept the R rating.  Instead, they will release it as Unrated.  Theater chains hate Unrated movies and won’t show them (they basically treat them as NC-17).  This means Bully will be released in 5 theaters over the country.  Craziness.

Last year, The King’s Speech was released with an R rating.  The very PG movie had one scene where a character let out a string of F-bombs.  If you haven’t seen it, I won’t spoil the moment, but believe me when I say that it’s an important, emotional break for the character.  After the movie won Best Picture, the studio released a PG-13 version with the audio muted during that scene.  How strange.  I never saw that version, but I can only imagine that scene completely lost its emotional impact.

One last piece of evidence.  There was a documentary called Gunner Palace released in 2005.  The movie followed American soldiers in Iraq and contained a whopping 42 F-bombs.  The MPAA ruled that it was all inoffensive and gave the movie a PG-13.

Obviously, ratings are important, and I believe the PG-13 language rules are appropriate.  I just wonder if society has changed from the days these rules were put in place.  Should they be adjusted?  Is “Strong Language” still as offensive today as it was 30 years ago?

I have no answers, but this facet of the movie industry makes for good conversation and debate.  What are your thoughts?

I had a conversation recently about really great movies most people haven’t seen, but should.  That sounded like a great idea for a post so Kristi and I gathered a list of our ten favorites.  We could easily triple this list, but it’s a good start.

Check ‘em out:

John’s List…

1.) Memento:  This movie is also first on my Top Ten Movies That Make Your Head Hurt.  And if that doesn’t sell you on this, well, I’ll make a new list for special people later.

 

 

2.) Once:  The best musical that’s not a musical.  It’s been over three years since I saw this and I still listen to the soundtrack regularly.  Oh, and the story is great, too.

 

 

 

3.) Moon:  I’ll say nothing about this other than you should watch it.  Immediately.

 

 

 

4.) Primer:  A time travel story made with almost no money. The story alone carries this.  After watching, check out the Wiki article on all the timelines.

 

 

5.) Confessions of a Superhero: A very well-made documentary about the guys in costume in front of the Chinese Theater in Hollywood.  An interesting look into the lives of some odd, but fascinating people.

 

6.) Man on Wire: Another documentary about a French trapeze artist who illegally walks  between the Twin Towers.  And films it.  I realize the only trapeze artist you care about rides around with Batman, but give this guy a chance.

 

 

7.) Die Fälscher (The Counterfeiter): A very serious character study about a Jew  who ends up working for the Nazis.  It’s a look at the values we compromise to survive. I’m a sucker for great character studies and this one stands as one of my favorites.

 

 

8.) [Rec]: I hate horror movies.  I startle far too easily and while that’s hilarious for my friends, not so much for me.  I watched [Rec] on an overseas flight.  I jumped so many times, the dude next to me gave several concerned looks.  That said, it’s one of the best zombie flicks made.

 

 

9.) Shaun of the Dead: I’ve recommended this so many times I should be getting kickbacks.  Consider this required viewing for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse.

 

 

10.) The Usual Suspects:  Not exactly a small movie, but not a lot of people saw it back in the day.  If you still haven’t, there’s really no reason to keep putting it off.  This would go great with Memento for a double feature.

 

 

10.5) Oldboy – OK, I’m cheating a bit, but I have to add this to my list.  Oldboy is the best revenge flick made.  It’s more disturbing than Black Swan, which means it’s not meant to be seen by normal people. But it’s also brilliant, and you should see it.

 

 

Kristi’s List-

In no specific order:

1.) Suspiria (1947): A young woman attends a ballet school and starts to realize that things are not what they seem. Excellent horror movie and remember that horror films are natural aphrodisiacs because they pump up your adrenaline, which means the person you are with will want to be closer to you. Oh-la-la*

 

2.) Bring Up Baby (1938): Another oldie, but a goodie. Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant are a riot in this Romantic Comedy. It’s about a girl who will stop at nothing to get the guy she wants, even if it involves tricking him with a leopard named Baby.

By the way–This is probably one of my top five favorite films of all time and an excellent choice for a romantic night in or even for some alone        time. I highly recommend it for everyone.

 

3.) Brick (2005): This is a modern Noir film with Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd Rock from the Sun and Inception) as the main character. In the film he plays a young high school student who takes a look at the underbelly of high school crime in order to find out what happened to the girl he loved.

 

4.) For a Few Dollars More (1965): Many may know of this film, but most people haven’t seen it, but have watched The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. Clint Eastwood, the man with no name, teams up with another bounty hunter (Lee Van Cleef) in order to catch the ultimate scumbag, El Indio.

 

5.) Raise the Red Lantern (1991): A film by Zhang Yimou, ( Hero, House of Flying Daggers, Curse of the Golden Flower) follows a young woman, 19 years old, whom is forced to marry after her father dies. She becomes one of many wives and is introduced to the plotting and backstabbing of the culture within the family compound. A truly beautiful film.

(This is one of the few foreign films I will suggest and I realize most people don’t like reading subtitles or they find the films to be far slower than the films they are used to, so I just want to say that if you watch these foreign films that I’m recommending you won’t regret it and you may feel enlightened culturally and mentally afterward.)

 

6.) Blue (1993): A beautiful foreign film that deals with the death of a husband and child. The music in the film is hauntingly beautiful, the fascinating colors evoke emotions you never knew you had and it’s all about allowing life back in after dealing with great tragedy.

 

 

7.) Hard Candy (2005): A tense thriller about a pedophile and the young girl who attempts to expose him to the world. This is movie will have you on the edge of your seat and anticipating just how the film will end.

 

 

8.)The Lady Eve (1941): A con-artist, a gullible rich guy, romance and comedy make this a movie to cherish forever.

 

9.)Four Rooms (1995): This movie was directed by four different directors  (Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez are two of the four) and follows the bellhop’s journey through four rooms on New Year’s Eve at a hotel. Be prepared for hilarity, bizarre stories and an all around good time.

 

10.) Singin’ in the Rain (1952): Yes, I realize most people have heard of this movie and know the title song by heart, but how many have actually seen it? Not that many, so I encouraged all of you to watch this fun and fantastic musical. It takes place during the transition from the silent to the talkie film and shows how difficult that transition proved to be for a lot of the actors. Oh, and there is a lot of dancing and singing, which is fun!

 

Watch them and enjoy!

 

 

 

I have a guest writer!  My evil cohort and fellow film addict, Kristi, will be joining the site next week.  Like most things in life, having a woman around will help classy-up the place.  This corner of the internet is probably too far gone to make much of a difference, but hey, it’s worth a shot.

Kristi will be writing her own reviews but in those times we both see a movie, things will get exciting.  The review will be like normal, but afterwards, you’ll see “John’s take…” or “Kristi’s take…” where we prove to you how the other of us has no taste and should be ignored.  I’m really excited about how many times I’ll be proven right in the months to come.

So join me in welcoming Kristi and stay tuned for the summer movie onslaught.

 

Holy crap!  Where did the year go?  Summer is upon us, so here’s our annual look at what Hollywood is serving.

 

May 6

• Something Borrowed – Chick Flick about some girl who sleeps with her best friend’s fiance.  I’m guessing the best friend ends up thanking her for saving her from marrying the wrong guy.
• Thor – Proof Hollywood has run out of comic books to make movies about.

 

May 13

• Bridesmaids – It’s like the girl version of The Hangover, but without the humor.
• Priest – No, no.  Sorry.  THIS is proof Hollywood has run out of comics.

 

May 20

• Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides – Finally, we discover if Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly were the reasons number 3 was so awful.

 

May 26

• The Hangover: Part 2 – More hilarious debauchery.  This time in Bangkok.  Yes!
• Kung Fu Panda 2 – Loved the first one.  I’ll see this, too.

 

June 3

• X-Men: First Class – It’s like Tiny Tunes with X-Men.  My pick for worst movie of the summer.

 

June 10

• Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer – HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  What?
• Super 8 – Another JJ Abrams super secret project (But not his 8th).  I hope it’s better than Cloverfield.

 

June 17

• Green Lantern – Ugh.  Can 2012 get here so we can have another Batman movie?
• Mr. Popper’s Penguins – Mr. Popper’s Penguins present a bummer summer?

 

June 24

• Bad Teacher - Cameron Diaz in a teacher comedy.  That’s probably the film’s only joke.
• Cars 2 – Pixar sells out.  Their worst franchise gets a sequel because they sell a crapload of crap to kids.  But hey, more money for them means more Pixar movies for us.  That’s not a bad thing, right?

 

July 1

• Larry Crowne – A Tom Hanks/Julia Roberts movie I have never heard of.  Anyone?
• Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon – Worst.Title.Ever.
• Monte Carlo – This is what the girls will see while the boys are at Transformers.

 

July 8

• Horrible Bosses – Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman murder their bosses.  A romantic comedy?
• One Day – A look at two people as they randomly run into each other over the years.  Sadly, these two people are not ninjas.
• The Zookeeper - A Kevin James… “comedy.”  You know, like that mall cop movie.

 

July 15

• Harry Potter 7: Part 2 – Wanna feel old?  The first one came out 10 years ago.
• Winnie the Pooh – Did you hear about his cookbook?  Cooking with Pooh.

 

July 22

• Captain America: The First Avenger – AMERICA!  F*&^ YEAH!
• Friends with Benefits – Another movie with an appropriate use of an F-bomb.

 

July 29

• Cowboys & Aliens – Daniel Craig AND Harrison Ford as cowboys? And there’s aliens? Oh hell yes.
• Crazy, Stupid, Love – Causes Cramps, Vomiting, Diarrhea.
• The Smurfs – Who was asking for this?  Seriously.  You need a punch in the face.

 

August 5

• The Change-Up – Here’s something unique.  Two people magically swap lives for a short time.  How wonderful.  *gag
• Rise of the Planet of the Apes – James Franco channels Charlton Heston smoking weed.

 

August 12

• 30 Minutes or Less – Hahahaha.  A pizza delivery driver has to rob a bank within 30 minutes.  Genius.
• Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark – Children’s comedy?  Probably not.
• The Help – 1960s drama about race relations in Mississippi.  Well that should be a happy story.

 

August 19

• Conan the Barbarian – This rebooted Conan better have an Austrian accent.
• Fright Night – They’ve done a few of these, right?
• Spy Kids 4 – Hipster Spy Kids were doing 3D before it was cool.

 

August 26th

• Final Destination 5 – Number 4 was gonna be the last.  But then it made more money than the rest of the series.  Suprise! We get another one.

 

And that’ll do it.  I count twelve sequels or reboots in four months.  Some things just never change…

 

Where did the year go?  Work has me traveling so much that not only have I not watched many movies, I’m still trying to figure out where February went.  Despite all that, we’re a week away from the big summer movie blockbusters, so it’s time to check out what’s in store for us.

Here we go…

May 7

• Iron Man 2 – Wealthy bachelor spends his money on a suit that makes him a super hero.  Yeah, it’s Batman with more drinkin.  Just as awesome, though.

May 14

• Robin Hood – There have been a bazillion Robin Hood movies, but my fav is still the Disney version with foxes.  Russell Crowe takes the lead here, so expect lots of scowling.
• Just Wright – Rom Com starring Queen Latifah and Common.  I’m guessing “common” will be used a lot in the reviews.
• Letters to Juliet – Another movie for the ladies.  But won’t most of them be watching Russell Crowe?

May 21

• MacGruber - Hey look! A 30-sec SNL skit brought to the big screen.  Because that’s worked so well before.
• Shrek Forever After – Is the milk from this cow green?

May 28

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – Movie based on a video game.  Bruckheimer moved to this franchise after Pirates of the Caribbean ran its course.  And hey, that was based off a ride.  This has gotta be better, right?
• Sex in the City 2 – Zombies attack a shopping mall or two.

June 4

• Get Him to the Greek – An R-rated, Judd Apatow comedy.  Expect lots of dick jokes.
• Killers - Ashton Kutcher movie that sort of looks like Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  Only really lame.
• Marmaduke - Yeah. that dog from the Sunday Funnies.  More like Marmapuke, amiright?
• Splice - Adrien Brody stars in a Sci-Fi cloning thriller.  Looks better than everything else this weekend.

June 11

• The A-Team – Proof Hollywood will reboot anything.
• The Karate Kid – No, my bad.  This is the proof.  Will Smith’s kid stars in this.  Seriously.

June 18

• Jonah Hex - I know nothing of the comic, but the trailer makes it look interesting.  Josh Brolin tries to look like a cowboy and Megan Fox tries to look pretty.  Both succeed.
• Toy Story 3 – Best movie of the summer?

June 25

• Grown Ups – Adam Sandler comedy about a bunch of kids getting together after 30 years for a reunion.  Could be funny.
• Knight & Day – Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in a spy comedy.  I know nothing else about this.

June 30

• Twilight Saga: Eclipse – The adventures of Sparkles and Teen Wolf continue.

July 2

• The Last Airbender – The anime was incredible.  Let’s hope M Night doesn’t screw it up.  From the trailers, he got the look right.  Here’s hoping the story holds up.

July 9

• Despicable Me – Animated 3D yarn.  Can’t be all bad.
• Predators - I don’t know if this is a reboot or a sequel or what.  I just hope it’s awesome.

July 16

• Inception - This is that Leonardo DiCaprio movie that makes no sense.  Guess we’ll figure it all out in July.
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Yeah, a live-action version of the Disney classic.  Wonder if there will be dancing brooms?  The music better not suck.

July 23

• Dinner for Schmucks - Steve Carell comedy.  That’s all I know.
• Romona and Beezus – G-rated kids movie based on a Beverly Cleary book.  I think there’s an empty tomb in this one.
• Salt - Angelina Jolie plays a spy seeking her nemesis, Peppa.

July 30

• Beastly - Bah.  This is a teen flick and not a new X-Men movie.
• Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore – /facepalm

August 6

• The Other Guys – Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg in a buddy cop comedy.  Trailer looks hilarious.
• Step-Up 3D - Crappy dancing movie in 3D.  Excited?

August 13

• Eat, Pray, Love – Julia Roberts movie.  The full title is “Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.”  I bet she won’t find a good burger.
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – Michael Cera movie.  From that, you probably know everything.
• The Expendables – Stallone, Statham, Lundgren, Rourke, Willis, Schwarzenegger.  This movie might make you a man.  Even the ladies.

August 20

• Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang – This is a sequel, right?
• The Switch – Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston Rom Com about artificial insemination.  That’s a funny topic, right?
• Takers - Heist movie.  Looks like a poor man’s Ocean’s 11

August 27

• Going the Distance – Drew Barrymore rom com about long distance relationships.  It also stars Justin Long, so it’s gonna be like a Mac-meets-pretty-PC commercial.
• The Last Exorcism – until the sequel.
• Piranha 3D – Finally! A movie using 3D to its fullest potential.

And that’s it.  Odds on best of the summer?

And the nominees are…

Best Picture

• AVATAR

• THE BLIND SIDE

• DISTRICT 9

• AN EDUCATION

• THE HURT LOCKER

• INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

• PRECIOUS

• A SERIOUS MAN

• UP

• UP IN THE AIR

For those that didn’t know, there are ten nominees for Best Picture (the only category with that number).  Some great movies in that list, but I’m ecstatic to see District 9 in there.

You can find the rest of the nominees HERE.

Time to dump 2009 like a bad habit.  But not before we take a look at the yearly box office numbers.

Here we go…

#10) The Blind Side – $193M (and counting)
Touching story, but probably won’t be remembered long.

#9) Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs – $196M
I’ve had this on Blu-Ray for weeks but haven’t had a chance to watch it. Maybe I can finally check it out this weekend.

#8) Monsters Vs. Aliens – $198M
Absolute garbage. Avoid this if you’ve been spared a viewing.

#7) Star Trek - $258M
This movie set the standard for all future franchise reboots. I’ve heard that even non-Trek fans love this. It’s fantastic.

#6) Avatar - $269M (and counting)
Avatar is still pulling in over $70M per weekend. It could easily turn out to be #1 of the year. More on it below…

#5) The Hangover – $277M
One of the funnier R-rated comedies in years. I’m off to Vegas next week, so I may have to watch this again before I go.

#4) The Twilight Saga: New Moon – $284M
I am so excited for this on DVD. With the additional Rifftrax soundtrack, I fully expect another two hours of pure comedy gold.

#3) Up - $293M
Pixar once again shows their genius. Go rent this.

#2) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince – $302M
Only one more movie (split in two) left. At this point, I’m more interested to see where the careers of the Potter kids go.

#1) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – $402M
We’re to blame for this. Bastards.

(Thanks BoxofficeMojo)

My Favorites:

Of all the films I enjoyed in 2009, these fall into what I consider a “Must See.” In order:

Taken: Fantastic movie with Liam Neeson as Mr. BadAss. I challenge you to not get emotionally wrapped up in the story. It’s intense. Even on a second viewing, the ending still got me.

Up: There is no dialog in the first ten minutes. By minute eleven, you’ll be in tears. Brilliant storytelling like this needs to be seen.

Avatar: Go see this in 3D before it leaves the theaters. You’ve never experienced anything like it. I’ve seen it twice and still want to see it again.

District 9: Where Avatar showed you can make a good movie with gobs of cash, District 9 proved you could do the same with only $30M. It uses the elements of Sci-Fi as a thin wrapper over deep, human themes that hit a little close to home.

So that wraps up the year. There are a few rumblings of Oscar nominees and I don’t think I’ve seen any of them. That will be my project for January.

See everyone in 2010.