John’s Movie Musings

Simply put, The Hurt Locker is the most intense movie I’ve ever seen.  As a reference, it makes The Kingdom look like a “Knowing is half the battle” spot at the end of G.I. Joe cartoons.  I had to pause half-way to catch a breather.

You probably don’t know much, if anything, about the movie other than it’s been nominated for this year’s Best Picture Oscar.  You might not even have known that.  Anyway, the plot revolves around a team of three guys in Iraq who disarm IEDs.  Those are the improvised explosives along the roads that have been blowing up our tanks over there.  Basically, think of the best parts of Lethal Weapon with three guys who aren’t too old for this shit.

Though the movie is based in Iraq, it makes absolutely no political statements.  War is hell.  Period.  And here’s a story set within the latest.

Back in the old days, special effects were so expensive that directors had to build suspense without showing the real danger.  Jaws, Alien, and some Hitchcock movies are famous for this.  The Hurt Locker follows this same formula in just about every scene.  I’ve never been to Baghdad, but I can imagine the fear these soldiers face when women and children are delivering bombs.  Is the soldier having a casual conversation, or is it a diversion for an IED deployment?  Intense.

Like I mentioned earlier, The Hurt Locker is up for Best Picture.  My favorite of the year is still District 9, but only barely.  If The Hurt Locker wins, it will very much deserve it.

Go rent this before Sunday’s Oscars.  It’s a ride worth taking.

Grade: A+

It must be difficult to make a good post-apocalyptic movie.  Everyone thinks of Mad Max and since it’s now a classic, Hollywood assumes that’s the only way to make one.  That’s a bunch of crap.  What Hollywood should be copying is Westerns.  They are already set in a wasteland (of sorts).  Just add a bit of sci-fi (not too much) and you’re done.  In fact, if some director starts re-envisioning the old Clint Eastwood movies into post-apocalyptic stories, we’d have decades of great flicks.

The Book of Eli is sort of like a Man With No Name tale…except that his name is in the title for no reason.  The story would have been stronger had he not had a name, but whatever.  Anyway, the “Book” refers to The Bible.  Eli Washington is on a quest to bring the last existing Bible to a place God told him, but has to go through a town run by Gary Oldman.  Oldman just so happens to want a Bible so that he can use the power of religion to control the masses.  If you enjoy classic Gary Oldman villians, then you’re in for a treat.  He plays the part to perfection.

Obviously there are a few religious themes going on, but they are all handled well.  Denzel plays the quiet apostle on a mission from God, while Oldman embodies the famous quote by C.S. Lewis: “Of all bad men, religious bad men are the worst.”  Everything is left vague enough to draw your own conclusions about a theme, but good movies get you talking and thinking about things like that.

One last point I need to make is about the cinematography.  It’s gorgeous.  That’s probably an odd thing to say about a movie set amidst total destruction, but just like the desert, there can be beauty in the wasteland.  That’s why folks go to places God never intended.  Like Arizona.

The Book of Eli has been out for a few weeks and isn’t getting treated very well by the critics.  I can only guess it’s because they wanted another Mad Max clone.  I wanted a “Western in the Wasteland” and that’s exactly what I got.  Adjust your expectations accordingly.

Grade: B

Odds are good you’ve got Office Space in your movie collection.  Odds are better you’ve worked in an environment similar to Initech.  Office Space is held in such high regard because we can relate on so many levels.  It helps that the movie is hilarious and the characters are all memorable, but we’ve all been stuck in a cube farm filling out TPS Reports at some point in our life.

Extract comes from the same guys who did Office Space (Mike Judge), but tells the story from the management side of things.  Sure, fewer people can relate to those stories and jokes, but I can still imagine veins of comedy gold existing there.  Especially when the premise of Extract is about a smaller company getting bought out by a corporate giant.  Comedy gold, right?

Wrong.  Extract is horrible.  Not only do they do nothing with the corporate giant plot, they remove all likable characters and spend too much time on a stupid infidelity sub-plot.  There are some (possibly) funny characters introduced at the factory, but they are completely one dimensional.  Gene Simmons can’t even work in a memorable joke or two.  But maybe that’s to be expected.

All in all, this is a complete waste of time similar to extracting vitamins from turd nuggets.  Stay away.

Grade: D-

So there I was, stuck in the middle seat on a flight home from Christmas.  Normally when I get forced into being the Third Wheel of the Skies, I bury myself in a book and try not to make eye contact with the two people whose personal space I’ve just invaded.  With my focus on Malcolm Gladwell’s latest mixing of causality and correlation, I noticed the foot tappin’ and head bobbin’ of the girl in the aisle seat.  She had her focus on the movie, so I glanced up and noticed The Edge.  The scene cut to a band shot of U2.  That forced me to pop the headphones in to see what that was all about.

What followed was a documentary on the electric guitar by The Edge, Jimmy Paige, and that dude from The White Stripes.  Whoa.  Now I’m not the biggest White Stripes fan, but I get lost in the music of U2 and Led Zeppelin.  I remember watching U23D and completely forgetting I was in a theater.  When I regained my sense of awareness, I wondered if my singing along had been out loud.

That feeling was exactly what I needed for this flight.  The movie is a little stingy with some of the classic tunes, but watching those three guys jam together more than made up for it.  It also helped that they all seemed to be enjoying themselves.  Of course, when you’re jamming with some of the greatest guitarists ever, who wouldn’t?

I’m sure my seating situation greatly influenced my enjoyment of this movie.  But next time you’re in a similar situation, maybe have this one on hand.  It’ll make the flight much more enjoyable.

Grade: B+

I got into a discussion with some friends about whether or not The Blind Side qualifies as a chick flick.  I argued that it’s not a football movie (though it’s based on the real story of an NFL player) because it’s really about the mom (Sandra Bullock).  Thus, chick flick.  My friends said no because it’s not a romantic comedy and that I’m an idiot.  I was outnumbered, but I think the consensus ended in a draw.

The Blind Side opens with the NFL play that ended Joe Theismann’s career (In YouTube quality, no less).  When the entire audience gasped, I realized not everyone had seen that before.  Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t fully explain why they open with that clip.  There’s a reason given, but it’s weak and explained poorly.  My guess is that it’s there to fool all the men into thinking they really weren’t at a chick flick.

When I watched the trailers, I was certain this was going to be one of those movies that make your eyes all sweaty.  But it’s not.  At all, really.  It’s heartwarming and kinda cool to see the life story (Hollywood style) of this football player.  The conflicts are kind of weak and forced, but that’s a minor quibble.  If you’re in the mood for a non-rom-com chick flick, give it a rental in a few months.

Grade: B

James Cameron’s last film was Titanic.  You  may have heard of it.  It made a few bucks at the box office.  Can you believe that was in ‘97?  Since then, Cameron took his new fortune and invested in 3D technologies.  He dived into the Atlantic Ocean and shot 3D footage of the real Titanic and explored the nuances of filming with two cameras. All of that knowledge and experience?  He put it into Avatar.  He just had to wait until the technology in the theaters could catch up with his vision.

Cameron just wasn’t learning about 3D this past decade.  He was also developing a process to animate believable, human expressions on CG characters.  That Uncanny Valley is too great of a challenge to just sit there, I guess.  WETA (The Lord of the Rings guys) mirrored real, full body performances of the actors onto blue, ten-foot tall CG aliens.  Before Avatar’s release, there were plenty of doubts about if this could work.  If it didn’t, you could bet there would be drinking games around all of the Smurfs and Thundercats jokes.  Fortunately, it all came together perfectly.

So there’s two paragraphs of me gushing about the technology in this movie.  The plot?  Wellll, it’s a story you’ve heard a few times.  But that’s not to say it’s bad.  In fact, other movies who have used it have won Oscars.  None of them had blue aliens, but neither has anyone created a world so amazing as Pandora (the planet).  The Discovery Channel could film a sequel to Planet Earth, call it Planet Pandora, and it would be just as good, or better than the orig- our real planet.  It’s an incredible feast for your senses.  And the best part?  No time is taken to explain the marvels of this planet.  It just exists, yet retains the wonder and mystery.

Avatar is meant to be seen in 3D.  But even if you take a trip to Pandora in 2D, go.  You’ve never experienced anything quite like it.

Grade: A

In Pulp Fiction, Jules proudly exclaims, “That is a tasty burger” after a healthy bite of a Big Kahuna.  I bring up that scene, not just to highlight tasty burgers, but to remind you of the other fellow.  The one who can’t say anything but “what?!”  Food, Inc. reminded me of that scene due to its focus on meat, but also because as I was watching, I could say nothing else but “What?!”

There’s a saying in highly complicated manufacturing processes that it’s all “a bit like making sausage.”  You’ll enjoy the end product, but you really don’t want to know how it’s made.  Food, Inc. shows how all of our food is a bit like making sausage.  Those packages of meat at the grocery store go through a process so bizarre, you’d be tempted to go vegetarian if you knew how they got there.  Sadly, vegetables aren’t much better.

I first saw posters of this movie in Chipotle.  That restaurant pushes its “Organic” ingredients so I kind of knew what to expect going into this.  Still, actually watching how we raise and slaughter our chickens, pigs, and cows turned my stomach.  There’s a Proverb that says, “A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”  In your eyes, slaughtering animals for food may be cruel in any capacity, but I don’t go too far down that road.  There’s a lengthy scene in the movie where we watch an organic chicken farmer slaughter chickens.  It’s graphic, sure, but when compared to how the large chicken farms are harvested, there is a very clear line between humane and cruel.

I’m not sure what effect this movie will have on people.  I’ve heard some say we’re just at the mercy of evil corporations, but I was glad to see Food, Inc. show that’s not the case.  Corporations follow the money.  If we want healthier food, it’s our responsibility to shift our spending that direction.

Grade: A