John’s Movie Musings

Welcome to summer.  Well, according to Hollywood’s calendar, anyway.  Remember when Memorial Day kicked off the big summer blockbusters?  At this rate, Iron Man 4 will be released on Valentine’s Day.

So yeah, sequels.  They should be awesome, but so rarely are.  With an origin story, you’ve got to give so much time to introducing the characters that the plot gets a little thin.  But in a sequel, you don’t have to waste time explaining who Iron Man is (well, maybe to American audiences), but there should be plenty of time for a decent story.  Sadly, Hollywood manages to screw it up most of the time.  How?  By introducing more new characters than were in the first.

Comic book movies are especially bad at this.  Listen, Hollywood.  Just because the characters are in costume, it doesn’t mean the movie should resemble a clown car.  The fantasy elements should be used to enhance elements of the human condition.  That’s why comics got started.  Want to talk about race relations in a very explosive period?  Invent the X-Men.  Iron Man was created to talk about the Cold War.  Times have changed, but there are certainly no lack of themes to explore.  Especially those you would have time to explore in a sequel.  Grrr.

Now the odd part in this is that it’s all just one big origin story for the upcoming Avengers movie.  In addition to the Iron Man flicks, we’ve had Ed Norton’s Hulk, with Thor and Captain America coming shortly.  But to what end?  We’ll get introduced to these characters just in time for yet another introduction to them as The Avengers?  My inner cynic is not impressed.

But enough ranting.  Go see Iron Man 2.  It’s more fluff than the first one, but it’s also a lot more fun.  You’ll laugh and have a good time.  Can’t complain about that.

Grade: B

Where did the year go?  Work has me traveling so much that not only have I not watched many movies, I’m still trying to figure out where February went.  Despite all that, we’re a week away from the big summer movie blockbusters, so it’s time to check out what’s in store for us.

Here we go…

May 7

• Iron Man 2 – Wealthy bachelor spends his money on a suit that makes him a super hero.  Yeah, it’s Batman with more drinkin.  Just as awesome, though.

May 14

• Robin Hood – There have been a bazillion Robin Hood movies, but my fav is still the Disney version with foxes.  Russell Crowe takes the lead here, so expect lots of scowling.
• Just Wright – Rom Com starring Queen Latifah and Common.  I’m guessing “common” will be used a lot in the reviews.
• Letters to Juliet – Another movie for the ladies.  But won’t most of them be watching Russell Crowe?

May 21

• MacGruber - Hey look! A 30-sec SNL skit brought to the big screen.  Because that’s worked so well before.
• Shrek Forever After – Is the milk from this cow green?

May 28

• Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – Movie based on a video game.  Bruckheimer moved to this franchise after Pirates of the Caribbean ran its course.  And hey, that was based off a ride.  This has gotta be better, right?
• Sex in the City 2 – Zombies attack a shopping mall or two.

June 4

• Get Him to the Greek – An R-rated, Judd Apatow comedy.  Expect lots of dick jokes.
• Killers - Ashton Kutcher movie that sort of looks like Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  Only really lame.
• Marmaduke - Yeah. that dog from the Sunday Funnies.  More like Marmapuke, amiright?
• Splice - Adrien Brody stars in a Sci-Fi cloning thriller.  Looks better than everything else this weekend.

June 11

• The A-Team – Proof Hollywood will reboot anything.
• The Karate Kid – No, my bad.  This is the proof.  Will Smith’s kid stars in this.  Seriously.

June 18

• Jonah Hex - I know nothing of the comic, but the trailer makes it look interesting.  Josh Brolin tries to look like a cowboy and Megan Fox tries to look pretty.  Both succeed.
• Toy Story 3 – Best movie of the summer?

June 25

• Grown Ups – Adam Sandler comedy about a bunch of kids getting together after 30 years for a reunion.  Could be funny.
• Knight & Day – Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in a spy comedy.  I know nothing else about this.

June 30

• Twilight Saga: Eclipse – The adventures of Sparkles and Teen Wolf continue.

July 2

• The Last Airbender – The anime was incredible.  Let’s hope M Night doesn’t screw it up.  From the trailers, he got the look right.  Here’s hoping the story holds up.

July 9

• Despicable Me – Animated 3D yarn.  Can’t be all bad.
• Predators - I don’t know if this is a reboot or a sequel or what.  I just hope it’s awesome.

July 16

• Inception - This is that Leonardo DiCaprio movie that makes no sense.  Guess we’ll figure it all out in July.
• The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Yeah, a live-action version of the Disney classic.  Wonder if there will be dancing brooms?  The music better not suck.

July 23

• Dinner for Schmucks - Steve Carell comedy.  That’s all I know.
• Romona and Beezus – G-rated kids movie based on a Beverly Cleary book.  I think there’s an empty tomb in this one.
• Salt - Angelina Jolie plays a spy seeking her nemesis, Peppa.

July 30

• Beastly - Bah.  This is a teen flick and not a new X-Men movie.
• Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore – /facepalm

August 6

• The Other Guys – Will Ferrel and Mark Wahlberg in a buddy cop comedy.  Trailer looks hilarious.
• Step-Up 3D - Crappy dancing movie in 3D.  Excited?

August 13

• Eat, Pray, Love – Julia Roberts movie.  The full title is “Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.”  I bet she won’t find a good burger.
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – Michael Cera movie.  From that, you probably know everything.
• The Expendables – Stallone, Statham, Lundgren, Rourke, Willis, Schwarzenegger.  This movie might make you a man.  Even the ladies.

August 20

• Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang – This is a sequel, right?
• The Switch – Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston Rom Com about artificial insemination.  That’s a funny topic, right?
• Takers - Heist movie.  Looks like a poor man’s Ocean’s 11

August 27

• Going the Distance – Drew Barrymore rom com about long distance relationships.  It also stars Justin Long, so it’s gonna be like a Mac-meets-pretty-PC commercial.
• The Last Exorcism – until the sequel.
• Piranha 3D – Finally! A movie using 3D to its fullest potential.

And that’s it.  Odds on best of the summer?

Simply put, The Hurt Locker is the most intense movie I’ve ever seen.  As a reference, it makes The Kingdom look like a “Knowing is half the battle” spot at the end of G.I. Joe cartoons.  I had to pause half-way to catch a breather.

You probably don’t know much, if anything, about the movie other than it’s been nominated for this year’s Best Picture Oscar.  You might not even have known that.  Anyway, the plot revolves around a team of three guys in Iraq who disarm IEDs.  Those are the improvised explosives along the roads that have been blowing up our tanks over there.  Basically, think of the best parts of Lethal Weapon with three guys who aren’t too old for this shit.

Though the movie is based in Iraq, it makes absolutely no political statements.  War is hell.  Period.  And here’s a story set within the latest.

Back in the old days, special effects were so expensive that directors had to build suspense without showing the real danger.  Jaws, Alien, and some Hitchcock movies are famous for this.  The Hurt Locker follows this same formula in just about every scene.  I’ve never been to Baghdad, but I can imagine the fear these soldiers face when women and children are delivering bombs.  Is the soldier having a casual conversation, or is it a diversion for an IED deployment?  Intense.

Like I mentioned earlier, The Hurt Locker is up for Best Picture.  My favorite of the year is still District 9, but only barely.  If The Hurt Locker wins, it will very much deserve it.

Go rent this before Sunday’s Oscars.  It’s a ride worth taking.

Grade: A+

And the nominees are…

Best Picture

• AVATAR

• THE BLIND SIDE

• DISTRICT 9

• AN EDUCATION

• THE HURT LOCKER

• INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

• PRECIOUS

• A SERIOUS MAN

• UP

• UP IN THE AIR

For those that didn’t know, there are ten nominees for Best Picture (the only category with that number).  Some great movies in that list, but I’m ecstatic to see District 9 in there.

You can find the rest of the nominees HERE.

It must be difficult to make a good post-apocalyptic movie.  Everyone thinks of Mad Max and since it’s now a classic, Hollywood assumes that’s the only way to make one.  That’s a bunch of crap.  What Hollywood should be copying is Westerns.  They are already set in a wasteland (of sorts).  Just add a bit of sci-fi (not too much) and you’re done.  In fact, if some director starts re-envisioning the old Clint Eastwood movies into post-apocalyptic stories, we’d have decades of great flicks.

The Book of Eli is sort of like a Man With No Name tale…except that his name is in the title for no reason.  The story would have been stronger had he not had a name, but whatever.  Anyway, the “Book” refers to The Bible.  Eli Washington is on a quest to bring the last existing Bible to a place God told him, but has to go through a town run by Gary Oldman.  Oldman just so happens to want a Bible so that he can use the power of religion to control the masses.  If you enjoy classic Gary Oldman villians, then you’re in for a treat.  He plays the part to perfection.

Obviously there are a few religious themes going on, but they are all handled well.  Denzel plays the quiet apostle on a mission from God, while Oldman embodies the famous quote by C.S. Lewis: “Of all bad men, religious bad men are the worst.”  Everything is left vague enough to draw your own conclusions about a theme, but good movies get you talking and thinking about things like that.

One last point I need to make is about the cinematography.  It’s gorgeous.  That’s probably an odd thing to say about a movie set amidst total destruction, but just like the desert, there can be beauty in the wasteland.  That’s why folks go to places God never intended.  Like Arizona.

The Book of Eli has been out for a few weeks and isn’t getting treated very well by the critics.  I can only guess it’s because they wanted another Mad Max clone.  I wanted a “Western in the Wasteland” and that’s exactly what I got.  Adjust your expectations accordingly.

Grade: B

Odds are good you’ve got Office Space in your movie collection.  Odds are better you’ve worked in an environment similar to Initech.  Office Space is held in such high regard because we can relate on so many levels.  It helps that the movie is hilarious and the characters are all memorable, but we’ve all been stuck in a cube farm filling out TPS Reports at some point in our life.

Extract comes from the same guys who did Office Space (Mike Judge), but tells the story from the management side of things.  Sure, fewer people can relate to those stories and jokes, but I can still imagine veins of comedy gold existing there.  Especially when the premise of Extract is about a smaller company getting bought out by a corporate giant.  Comedy gold, right?

Wrong.  Extract is horrible.  Not only do they do nothing with the corporate giant plot, they remove all likable characters and spend too much time on a stupid infidelity sub-plot.  There are some (possibly) funny characters introduced at the factory, but they are completely one dimensional.  Gene Simmons can’t even work in a memorable joke or two.  But maybe that’s to be expected.

All in all, this is a complete waste of time similar to extracting vitamins from turd nuggets.  Stay away.

Grade: D-

So there I was, stuck in the middle seat on a flight home from Christmas.  Normally when I get forced into being the Third Wheel of the Skies, I bury myself in a book and try not to make eye contact with the two people whose personal space I’ve just invaded.  With my focus on Malcolm Gladwell’s latest mixing of causality and correlation, I noticed the foot tappin’ and head bobbin’ of the girl in the aisle seat.  She had her focus on the movie, so I glanced up and noticed The Edge.  The scene cut to a band shot of U2.  That forced me to pop the headphones in to see what that was all about.

What followed was a documentary on the electric guitar by The Edge, Jimmy Paige, and that dude from The White Stripes.  Whoa.  Now I’m not the biggest White Stripes fan, but I get lost in the music of U2 and Led Zeppelin.  I remember watching U23D and completely forgetting I was in a theater.  When I regained my sense of awareness, I wondered if my singing along had been out loud.

That feeling was exactly what I needed for this flight.  The movie is a little stingy with some of the classic tunes, but watching those three guys jam together more than made up for it.  It also helped that they all seemed to be enjoying themselves.  Of course, when you’re jamming with some of the greatest guitarists ever, who wouldn’t?

I’m sure my seating situation greatly influenced my enjoyment of this movie.  But next time you’re in a similar situation, maybe have this one on hand.  It’ll make the flight much more enjoyable.

Grade: B+